Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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