return my video game
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize