after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
