I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
