If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
