sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
