Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
