It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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