Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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