What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Mom said you looked used
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
