do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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