i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
