I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is classic penis vs brain.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
