I heard we made out
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
