I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
