the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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