It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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