remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
