ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
