New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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