i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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