If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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