In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
3 2 1 whiskey
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
