Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
