I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
