yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
