ADVERTISEMENT

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"

  Fav 5 1032 3816

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

  Fav 39 8586 1137

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.

  Fav 17 4438 1016

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.

  Fav 7 3106 1137

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

  Fav 30 8575 1584

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.

  Fav 6 1730 999

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (514): View more from Quebec

  I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?

  Fav 16 1220 2483

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.

  Fav 1 1007 626

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...

  Fav 3 1021 557

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis

  Fav 2 706 467

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.

  Fav 1 579 359

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.

  Fav 4 304 445

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.

  Fav 2 60 25

  share tweet
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.

  Fav 0 19 73

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+61): View more from Australia

  Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe

  Fav 0 49 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize