don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
