he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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