Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And then he peed in my hair
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