Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
