I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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