if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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