after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
