She announced her abortion via fbk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
