i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
