Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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