my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The best revenge is premature balding
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
