I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
