well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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