Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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