And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
