Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
