Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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