I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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