just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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