She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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