she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
