his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
