literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
