I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
