How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
