is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
