I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
