i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize