Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
