i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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