He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
