Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
