I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
