it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
