I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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