it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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