What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
