if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
