In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's shark week go big or go home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
