don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
