Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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