Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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