some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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