So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
