Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
