Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
