He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize