Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
