There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
