genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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