Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize