Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
